When you get your head out of the clouds!
- innerbeautylive
- May 31, 2022
- 9 min read
Updated: Jun 8, 2022
My two cents on why good women get mediocre results in love and life.
I wanted to shed some light on a topic that comes up often and no one that I know speaks on this topic with clarity. What am I talking about? I call it the curse of being a good girl, now the test is understanding what the "good girl," is.
The comments I hear from the male perspective are, "good girls," are the ones you can take home to meet the family. The "good girl'" is the wholesome, make a meal in a kitchen and not from the uber eats app. The "good girl," can keep a clean home, is levelheaded most of the time, and minds her business in the office, and a side hustle if need be.
The "good girl'" is "Wifey material." Wow, the "good girl," is a prized catch by most standards, with this sentiment in mind asks yourself why so many "good girls," don't get got!
In the perspective of a former "good girl, to a free Spirit, I will share with you my birds eye view with the problem of the "Good Girl."
The "Good Girl, " comes with expectations!
The good girls is not taking any mess.
The "good girl," is going to call you on your shit, and expects answers and solutions.
The "good girl," unfortunately is the Woman you want, but generally not the Woman you keep!
So let's put some bookends on this one, the "Good Girl, is the Woman who keeps the relationship intact, forgives fuck ups, and is often the one who is left holding the pieces of a shattered dream. The "good girl," is waiting too often to be chosen. You see while we have patience we often forget our worth, and settled because in keeping the peace we forgot our voice. The "good girl," forgot how to negotiate, and she forgot to set realistic expectations of what she can and would sacrifice to be in a relationship.
Raise your hand if you have been the "good girl" I have both of mine up, and a leg too.
Like the image dancing above this line is the way most men want the "good girl," to look, she is the epitome of the lady in the street, while attempting to be the "freak," in the sheets. Men say they want the wholesome good girl, yet....they are still up in the face of the opposite. Now, in most cases I don't call another woman out of her name but let's be real sis, basic bish, don't asks questions. The basic bish understands the assignment, is focused on the mission. The basic bish is singularly focused, secure the bag, and stay cute for the cheat receipts they WILL post on the Gram when a simple man loses his mind and interferes with her mission.
Basic Bish's have little if any expectations, they ALWAYS know they are the "side piece," and stay in line as long as this situation meets the demand of the day. Now real-talk, we can't be mad at a basic bish, why she is on her Damm job!
Basic Bish's have a definite chief aim and that is to secure the bag, if you are counting you heard me when I said the mission is to secure the bag, every now and again they catch feelings for your man and come for the throne. In the event you catch a basic bish with your man, you might want to consider upscaling your game that is "If," you are fully vested and you love him. If you are still in the game, it's time to change the game plan and STAT.
Rules to the game!
It's NOT you it's ME
How often have you heard this cliche line" It's not you it's me and a host of other tired ass responses when the person in your life is no longer interested or already interviewing your replacement and is not ballsy enough to just speak the truth.
Welp Sis, let me break this down so you understand how and why it is time for you to reprogram this bad code that is running amuck in your head.
Women get to friggin caught up on being "chosen." I am convinced we forgot we are the ones choosing!
The Bachelorette and all that other scripted reality T. V. is some bullshit to sale advertising slots. It IS some uber millennial bullshit that we suck up with a straw and put on 20 lbs. drowning in Ice Cream and Housewives of this, that, and the other.
Just in case ou are not keeping up TODAY we are talking about WHY good
women get mediocre results in love and life.
Now, let me give you this SPOILER alert I am not a neo-feminist, this is NOT about bashing men, I like men most days. I am not moved by anyone's' need to promote their community. Hi, my name is Spirit and I speak from that which I know which is ME. If your opinion differs from mine that is fine, get off my blog, or sit still and take notes.
Spirit you may asks...what does that mean. We spend an enormous amount of time talking about why we are here, and not nearly enough time on how we got to wherever you are sitting in your life right now.
Sit with yourself for a minute and consider the following questions...
Are you happy?
What does my financial situation look like?
Have I done everything in my power to make this work?
Does this person bring me peace or disturb my peace AF?
Can I declare my man as a dependent since he won't get off my couch?
Does having this person around add any real value to my life.
These and a great many questions are up for consideration, I am speaking from experience and offering some tips on how to prevent yourself from being, the good woman with mediocre results.
Tip #1 Never Over Think
This is simple, most men really are NOT that deep. If you are dealing with a grown ass man, take them at their word.
Side note, if you have some weak ass feelings about your gender identity you might want to leave this post immediately because this is not for you!
The day and age of political foolishness are not represented on this page, do not come for me, I will beat your ass with the truth.
In relationships their MUST be a balance of masculine and feminine energy. "YES, I borrowed that from @StephanSpeaks. Sis, figure out if you are going to be the feminine energy and roll with that and stop trying to be the masculine energy in this duo.
If he says your ass looks fat in that dress, chances are you have put on some weight, and given the nature of the circumstances you might need to pull back from the table. The other aspect of this statement is simple, do not delude yourself in a fallacy that you really expected a truthful answer to that question. "Does this make me look fat." Be real sis, YOU are jockeying for attention, and you asked a question that "IS," a TRAP.
You know good and well you really did NOT want him to answer you with anything other than a compliment. More importantly, YOU picked a fight, when you got an honest answer NEVER over think the response from your man he is only answering the question that you asked.
If you don't want the truth, shut up! Stop all this hem and hawing that you picked up from a bitter, man hating neo-feminist. You will lose that nonsense is some more man shit, orchestrated by sick men, propagandize by men hating women to keep you hating yourself.
Chose YOU! It never occurred to you that "YOU," chose the man you are dealing with right now. Let that sink in for a minute, I'll wait!
Now that you had some time to consider that statement, think about it like this, why are you mad at your man for hanging out in the club when that is where YOU chose to go and shop for a mate.
The solution to rectify, rewrite, reprogram or rethink this bad programming is simple, this is where the ME applies.
Sis...just choose you!
Tip #2 Movement Every day!
Women are programmed over centuries of taking a back seat to everything, everyone, and everybody except YOU.
Tune up your vocals and hum after me, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME...etc.
Now don't get this twisted, I am not telling you to be a selfish Bish...I am telling you that EVERYDAY you must have some form of movement that promotes your brand, your worth, your experience, your everything.
Basic chicks, prioritize the ME factor for all the wrong reasons, this DOES NOT mean primp, prime, and pose for the Gram...Not a good look.
Most men hoping in your DM are looking for eye candy and a ring around the circle...use your imagination! Technology has turned the world into lazy unproductive people.
Highly productive men, (this does NOT mean the size of his bank account) are looking for highly productive women, this is NOT about the size of your bank account either. Moreover how productive are you with a plan of action.
Can you cook if you have to and I don't mean Tovala, I mean can you make a meal from what is in the house and be okay that you are not at a restaurant 5 nights a week unless you are traveling for work.
Do you make a home, it requires more than a good eye for fashion, a home is where you want to be, it is your rest haven, your peace of the rock.
Do you work your money, by this I mean are you good with bills, paying bills, budgets and such, can you save a dollar or are you more caught up in owning a bag instead of making/earning a bag.
Does your life reflect the life you seek? Equally yoke'd is not just a pretty verse in the bible. Don't be that chick...bring something to the table and stop chasing high assets men, that ride comes with it's own brand of foolishness. If you are bringing something of value, two forces joined as one can make a significant team when the missions is the same.
Lazy folks, especially women feel as if they push out a baby they are entitled to a mans worth..... If I buy her a G-wagon she barks on command, and looks good but shuts the hell up. Look sis, we are all whoring for something, ie. we have a 9-5, we are self employed, stay at home mommies with a side hustle to make ends meet, etc.
If you are looking for Prime Real Estate you MUST be the vision of the man you seek to be with.
Tip #3 Take off those rose-colored lenses
There is nothing worse than being thought a fool and opening up your mouth and confirming you are FOOLISH.
Women get too friggin caught up on being chosen! Now that is the 3rd time I said that...f you are NOT ready to be an integral part in your survival... You might want to get on the FEMA bus and go to the reeducation camp....let that shit sink in.
Tip #4 No one is coming for you!
Hey sis...there is No such thing as Prince Charming, Prince Hakim, and there is no such thing as Wakanda. If you are looking for a bailout you might want to REALLY look around you and see what the world is offering up. In a December 2020 article from Marriage.com expert blogger Rachael Pace cites 5 key reasons marriage globally is on the decline:
1. Financial independence is on the rise
2. People prioritize individuality over anything else
3. Couples wish to avoid the legal hassles
4. Many people are opting not to have kids
5. Couples can live together without being married
Although the numbers are dismal, it is more so a matter of survival of the fittest. Men are no longer looking for the damsel in distress they are looking for a woman who can keep up.
The cost of everything is on the rise, it's almost a requirement to have a roommate, shack up with someone you are compatible with and go Dutch on everything.
You have to have your own, no one is coming for you. Oddly enough if you attain this status by all accounts you are more likely to attract the pack of folks who still believe in the institution of marriage.
Tip #5 Change your mindset
The sooner you realize that "No One is coming for you," you learn to depend on you! It does not matter if you are in a relationship, mourning the loss of a relationship, or as I tell my daughter auditioning for the role in a relationship, you must act as if you will be alone so you NEVER lose site of the fact that one day you will be alone. It can be by choice, by divorce, death, or even temporary! As long as you are capable of taking care of YOU, your emotional needs, your finances, your physical person. Then and only then are you ready to be in any form of a relationship with another person.
Keep up with your girl, I am constantly changing the media so hopefully you found a few tips to keep you on the straight and narrow. If you change your mind and consider the betterment of YOU, you will be the prepared, self sufficient bish those equally yoked men will find , love, honor, and trust.
If not, welp sis, keep on doing you!
Peace and Blessings "Spirit"
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